What is design? That’s a good question. It’s the kind of question that can cause a designer to spiral into an existential crisis. It took me a long time — from elementary school to grad school — before I had my own definition. In a way, that’s what it takes to develop a personal practice. For me, that meant trying out a whole slew of things — music, film, writing, computer science, theater — that would eventually inform a single creative discipline called “design.” In this chapter, I’ll share stories from this early period in my life — growing up alongside the Internet and video games, bearing unpaid theater internships, finding my footing as a freelancer, and choosing to go to design school.
Scroll Right
It was sort of an accident. At first, I was a songwriter. But I was bad, and I knew I was bad. I pivoted to film. But I hated studying film, so I switched to theater. Theater brought me right back to sound. All considered, there were a lot of things I wanted to do, and none of them were design. And yet somehow, I discovered that what people wanted from me was to design things for them.
I haven’t finished this story yet, but I will. When it’s finished, I’d love to meet you back here so that I can share it with you.
In what started to feel like a cruel joke, I kept applying for non-design jobs that became design jobs. What I discovered was that every company needed a designer, especially the small ones that couldn’t afford one. So, as an unpaid intern, I found myself relinquishing my original job description and assuming the role of art director, web designer, and everything in between.
I haven’t finished this story yet, but I will. When it’s finished, I’d love to meet you back here so that I can share it with you.
You can’t get fired if you don’t have a job. Well, I tried to get a job, and I couldn’t — not in theater, not in computer science, and definitely not in design. What I did have was the start of a network made up of old bosses and coworkers in need of a one-off task here and there. So, having never had any real professional design experience or any serious training, I started freelancing.
I haven’t finished this story yet, but I will. When it’s finished, I’d love to meet you back here so that I can share it with you.
I had a good thing going. Well, sometimes. I also had feelings of frustration, imposter syndrome, lack of direction, frequent bouts of anxiety, and a general aura of dissatisfaction. But those things helped me articulate why I wanted to go to grad school. And then the stars aligned, so I went. What I uncovered in grad school was a newfound purpose and a way to move forward.
I haven’t finished this story yet, but I will. When it’s finished, I’d love to meet you back here so that I can share it with you.